I could never write about fashion. Pay no attention to my love for trend-spotting and blogging. My strong opinions attack my conscience first so they are diluted by a conquering desire to not offend anyone. Of course disclaimers come in handy. I have learnt that the difference between an insult and a fact is the slithery phrase “I’m not trying to be mean but…”
It is with this casual approach of not trying to be mean that I briefly explore the etiquette of wearing sunglasses. While I have been influenced by a fashionista’s superior opinion (Elle Magazine November issue 2010), this principle was surprisingly embedded in my conduct when I simply demonstrated good manners.
The rule is as follows: When the rays of the sun become a blinding menace to your vision, wear your sunglasses. I made amendments to the former “When the sun shines” clause since sunshine is clearly a vague description that fails to specify the intensity of the shine.
Should you need further convincing find an owner of a vehicle who has achieved partial customization of it with tinted windows. Ask him this question, “Is it absolutely necessary for you to roll down your window when you converse with someone outside of your car”. If the answer to that question is yes then I think it is fair to say that my theory stands. Is it not?
My Plea: If the sun doesn’t rudely hover over our conversation, please take them off. We clearly know each other and there is no need to mask your identity. Let’s not waste time finding each other’s pupils - the focal point of our attention. Engage me with your naked eyes and let me marvel at their uncanny knack to reflect your feelings and thoughts. Sadly my ears do not latch onto your every word so facilitate the use of my sight to listen. I probably think your eyes are beautiful. If they happen to have a yellowish tinge or a veiny appearance and I childishly gape stupidly or snicker then the fault lies with me. I am sure the Court of Thought Justice will punish me appropriately for my mean thoughts.
I recognize the comfort of artificial darkness held up by two glittering ARMANI arms. I fully understand the instalments that go towards securing this safe undercover shade where baggy or blue eyes can quietly retreat from hurled insults and negative attention. I commend you for your conspicuous effort to hide your hangover. More importantly I appreciate that not all beauty is in subtlety and that flashy looks miraculously command respect from prying shop assistants.
This fervent plea is just a weak attempt to promote chivalry and revive social niceties that draw a referent power. If we leaf through historical customs, I would expect to find this beside the social norm of taking off your hat when you enter a building. Thankfully both gestures are seen as polite across the cultural spectrum.
I have tried to hunt down the real culprits behind this “fad”/”swag”.
Culprit number 1: Kanye West
Culprit number 2: Anne Wintour (Editor of American Vogue)
Culprit number 3: Lenny Kravitz
Culprit number 4: Ringo Starr
Culprit number 5: Amber Rose
(I love all culprits so this isn’t personal)
To recapitulate my argument briefly: Be careful of the trends you follow, it could be a classic case of the blind leading the blind.